Today I’m finally talking about something I’ve been putting off for months. To be honest, I’ve had this draft saved for nearly a year.
Talking about something personal and being vulnerable is never easy especially when I’m trying to set a healthy example for others. But I will be the first the admit that no matter how great someone’s life may seem, we all have struggles, in one way or another and I have been doing myself no favors by trying to hold it in.
For two years, I lost all desire for everything I ever enjoyed. During this time, I felt like I was just coasting through life, and not in a good way. Being a wife and a mom made it difficult to show my feelings so I pretended everything was fine and did whatever I had to do to get by. I never wanted my kids to be affected by it so I did my best to carry on and be strong mom.
I knew mental illness ran in my family at a young age. I saw my own mom battle depression on and off my entire childhood but I did not understand until I got older. I said I would do whatever I needed to fight it. I said I will exercise every day and eat healthy because those things combat depression. For years that worked great for me but 3 years ago, even my best medicine, exercise wasn’t keeping it away. I found myself in a state of being completely stuck. I knew I had no desire for anything but I couldn’t find a way to get those desires back. I remember my husband asking me what happened to doing all the things I enjoyed like gardening and home improvement and I said I don’t know. And to be honest I really did not now. But I realize now, I didn’t want to know. For two years, I was in denial. Until one day, I became so tired of the way I felt, I decided to do some research and everything I was feeling all pointed to depression. I finally said ok, I’m depressed! Now what?
Next time, I will share with you what was the eye opener for me.
Thank you for reading my story I took over a year to write.